5 Things Flight Attendants Know

Once the crowning achievement of all human endeavor, air travel today is a soulless enterprise designed to cram as many humans as possible into the smallest space possible for the most money possible. But most of us get to see air travel only from the perspective of weary passengers. They were experienced pilots, so they figured they’d probably be able to deal with it, but there was a chance the gear would flip back up into the plane during landing, and it would nose dive into the tarmac. canada goose They called the flight attendants back and explained the issue. They would need to brace for landing and be ready to help any injured passengers. Fire trucks would be waiting on the runway just in case. However, they were not to tell the passengers.

In flight emergencies are rare for most flight attendants . except Ben. “I’m the magnet for medical emergencies. I have them all the time. . Difficulty breathing is common. People who use oxygen don’t bring it or request it. Then you get up to altitude, and suddenly they want it.”Something about being able to French kiss the stratosphere reminds people

that doctors typically know their shit.

Not all drama happens at 30,000 feet. Ben’s most frightening moment occurred during takeoff. He was in the jump seat (which has no windows), and the plane’s wheels had just left the ground. He heard a loud thump at the front of the plane, then two more crashes on the wings. The wheels slammed back on the ground, and they were skidding to a stop. “I’m a pilot myself, and I know you should never land a plane right after taking off, so I knew we were in serious trouble.”

Reasons you shouldn’t land a plane right after takeoff: A) You’re near the end of the runway, and B) commercial planes take off with 80,000 pounds of fuel, which is too heavy to land. If they do try to land with all that fuel, their brakes might burst into flames.

Luckily, they managed to stop before the trees at the end of the runway, and the brakes didn’t catch fire. When Ben got outside, he saw the problem: The plane had hit 30 or so geese. “Blood was everywhere. The engines were ruined, their fan blades all bent up.” Planes should be able to handle hitting a couple birds, but an entire flock proved too much for this one. Both engines were destroyed. “The plane was dead in the water. . I hold that captain in high regard. . Some people actually take their shoes off and go into the toilet barefoot. A chemical toilet. On a shaking plane. That’s biblically nasty. They try to keep it clean, but they can’t wipe down every tray table. “Tray tables are filthy,” Kelly says, “but people will pour their peanuts right on them.”

All the flight attendants we spoke to have had dirty diaper run ins. Kelly points out that every plane has a diaper change table in at least one restroom, but people will change their babies right on the tray tables. (Seriously, just leave those tiny pretzels in those impossible to open bags.)”What’s the deal with all this E. coli?”

She’s found dirty diapers abandoned in the seat pockets and on the floors. Lisa’s passengers were slightly more polite, in that they asked before handing her fecal matter. Naturally, she told them she’d have to go get a bag. “I handle food,” she said, as if Shithands McGee was only asking because they were unaware of that fact.

And then there was the little gift that Lisa and her co workers discovered on the bridge. “There were no dogs on that flight,” she notes. Apparently, someone didn’t feel like using one of the many toilets available in the airport and relieved themself on the bridge just a few feet from the plane.

As anyone that’s jockeyed for position near an airport terminal power outlet can attest, travelers are a bunch of goddamn animals.

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